I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
