That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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