we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
