youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is my life. Enjoy the view
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
