The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
