barbara walters just said penis...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
