when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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