Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
