If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
