im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
