I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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