It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
