Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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