my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
