big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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