i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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