The maid of honor just puked.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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