i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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