I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
