I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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