I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
