Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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