I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize