True but thats because hes a fetus.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
