Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize