how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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