Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
