I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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