i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
