youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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