I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
