Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
