I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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