Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
where does the pee come out of this thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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