Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
