i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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