I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
