I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
