just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
