I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
dude. I can hear the air.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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