We're like a lot better than the average bears
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
