I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
