I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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