Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
