"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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