Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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