i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
