cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
