Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
