Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
