we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
