Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love having hate sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
