is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
