Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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