I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
