my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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