Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
