highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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