I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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