Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
