guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
